The 5 Types of Intimacy (Besides Sex)

Intimacy doesn’t always have to mean in-between the sheets!

What is Intimacy?

Intimacy means close familiarity or friendship; closeness!

You’ve probably heard of intimacy in the context of it revolving around romance and sex, and that’s not to say they’re wrong! But intimacy plays a role in other types of physical and emotional closeness

It’s the connection that is built with someone overtime, feeling more and more comfortable during your time together, growing to care about one another on an emotional level

Intimacy is a quality that you continue to cultivate overtime, the more you spend time sharing experiences and feelings the more elements you have to work with to build intimacy

It’s possible to have sex without intimacy as well as intimacy without having sex

Emotional

Emotional Intimacy creates a deep sense of security and trust within your relationship and enables you to be your true, whole self – insecurities and all! Sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings with your partner, for many couples, is one of the most rewarding aspects of their relationship

In any relationship with emotional distance, you are more likely to feel resentful and lonely, you are also less likely to trust, feel safety or provide support

Think of it as letting your guard down, as you learn to trust your partner you’ll feel safe enough to let your walls down.

Do you look forward to your partner coming home from work so you can finally relax and be yourself?

This is what it means to have that emotional intimacy

Spiritual

Of course Spirituality can mean different things to different individuals, so spiritual intimacy can also vary.

Spiritual Intimacy allows for transcendent connection – beyond logic and conscious thought, it helps to deliberate in improving this type of closeness

Regularly schedule a time to engage in those similar endeavors, a plus about spiritual intimacy is that you don’t have to exert much effort aside from creating opportunities!

It can involve a few of the following examples:

Understand your partner’s values – In order to understand your partner, you have to understand their beliefs and the things they value most in their life such as family time, honesty, loyalty and trust.

Invite your spirituality into your Relationship – An openness of heart towards your spouse by opening up and revealing your true self while trusting your partner will still unconditionally love, value and accept you for who you are

Commit the time – Understanding that building spiritual intimacy takes time, devoting this time will prove to be beneficial and help you bond with your partner on this level. Connect spiritually with your spouse in a way that works well for them and for you

Acceptance – Finally, understand that your partner may not want to attend church or go to bible study as often as you would like or vice versa, but this should not end your journey to achieving spiritual intimacy with your spouse. Having an open mind will make your journey to spiritual intimacy more enjoyable!

Intellectual

Intellectual intimacy involves getting to know how your partners mind works and sharing the map of your mind too, this builds as you exchange ideas and have various meaningful conversations without worrying about potential conflicts

It’s common for individuals to struggle in communicating with their partners due to the differences in love language. It’s very important to have a conversation about your partner’s love language as well as your own. What this means is that how we display our love to our partner and how we receive their displays of love might be totally different.

Unless your partner can read minds, you need to let them know what you need from them! These conversations need to be wide open to understand your love languages and not let them be a roadblock

Relationships are about compromise, I know, I know! But it’s something you can’t avoid if you want to make sure your relationship succeeds, this means that if your partner wants more physical touch, if that’s how your partner communicates their love, then they should also be more willing to perform acts of service, compromise is key here!

You can create more intellectual intimacy by sparking discussions where you and your partner may have different perspectives and feelings about a certain topic, make sure you make a conscious effort to have these conversations without getting defensive or angry

This atmosphere encourages stimulating conversations, you’ll feel closer to the person who cares for you aside from any differences you may have and respects your voice

Experiential

Embark on new adventures and experiences with your partner to increase experiential intimacy, plan activities that you haven’t done together yet, schedule a date at a restaurant that you haven’t been to yet so it can eventually become your spot together!

Both couples can have separate lives, so it’s not realistic to collaborate on every single thing, but it is important to have shared experiences so you can create memories and acquire knowledge.

Examples:

Planning a bike ride around town, one partner chooses the route and the other packs the snacks and drinks
Preparing to run a marathon together allows you both to push each other toward a confidence-building achievement
Visit a city you two have never been to before, and discover that city together!

If the moment was pleasurable, it prompts that same energy when relieved

Aesthetic

Whether it be watching a sunset from a national park, listening to live music at a concert or visiting a new coffee shop in town, these are a few great ways to experience aesthetic intimacy together that creates more connectedness

The Seattle area in particular is full of great hikes, its outdoorsy city reputation is well-earned. In less than an hour from the buzz of downtown, you could be hiking through a mossy forest, ascending 1,000 feet to an alpine lake that is too cold for swimming (although that doesn’t stop everyone!) or simply scoping a gorgeous glacial landscape

It’s very common for individuals, couples and families to go backpacking for the weekend. Many adults with kids go on these adventures just as much as adults who don’t have any children, it’s friendly and fun for all!

This will also look different from couple to couple, interests can vary. Aesthetic intimacy requires couples to compromise and to take turns supporting each other’s interests so they can experience the beauty of life together

It can significantly strengthen your bond and help you celebrate and appreciate your differences!

Let us Help You Learn More!

Through relationship therapy we can find the “we’ness” again. We can discover ways where you and your partner can talk quietly about sensitive issues, share each other’s concerns, listen to understand each other’s perspective, and create a plan of action that feels beneficial to each partner.

With patience, learning and practicing skills my hope is that you will rekindle and strengthen your relationship. My goal is for your couple to find solutions that will bring affection and joy to your relationship.

As we mentioned above, understanding your partner’s love language as well as your own is one of the keys to having a successful relationship with your partner.

A devised meaningful method to communicate with your partner to show your affection based on their innate preferences, at Golden West Counseling, we help you recognize your love language and how beneficial it is to learn how you and your partner deserve to be loved by each other in the best way possible.